Hi, I’m Ilia Jones, Licensed Professional Counselor in Suwanee, Georgia. And I wanted to talk to you about one thing you can do to argue better with your spouse. That is what is called making a statement of a positive need. Positive need doesn’t mean like a happy, complimentary need. It means something that somebody can do in the future going forward. We sometimes tend to complain to our partners about something they didn’t do — like you never hug me, you don’t spend any time with me.
It’s more helpful to actually ask for something that your partner can do in the future. And it could be something simple like, I would like for you to please give me a hug or a kiss when you walk in the door, or I would like for you to spend Saturday morning here at the house. I would like you to plan a date for us. Giving them something that they can do in the future rather than saying what you don’t want them to do or what they have already done wrong in the past.
That is called asking for a positive need and it is a really helpful way of you getting something that you want in your relationship. So I hope this helps. Please like or subscribe if you want to see any more of my content.
